A Modern Family
by how-long-can-this-name-be-omg
Summary: Emmett Cullen didn't know that he would be responsible for a daughter, especially when he was gay... Rosalie Hale thought that Isabella's birth would bind them together, but not in this way... Welcome to A Modern Family!
1. Welcome to the World, Child

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for a wicked sense of humor.**

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Chapter 1:

Emmett POV:

This meeting was sucking the life out of me. Who even gave a shit about top lines or bottom lines or margins? I'm the friggin' owner of the company, can't I just walk out whenever I want?

_Calm the fuck down. She's going to be fine. It'll be all right._

Hey, I'm Emmett Cullen. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm stuck in a boring as fuck meeting, when I could meanwhile be at the hospital next to Rosalie who was currently in labor. Rosalie was 8 months pregnant with my baby. I still can't believe it; I'm going to be a father! The ultrasound technician told that we were having a baby girl. I'll have to admit, a few tears of joy escaped my eyes when I saw my little girl curled up in her mother's womb. I swore that day that my baby girl was going to be the most spoilt kid in the world. This little miracle wasn't born yet, and yet she had me wrapped around her little finger.

Back to the current situation. That night at the bar, a few beers, along with several shots of tequila ensured that I wouldn't know what was going on. All I knew was that the next day, I had a hangover of the magnitude infinity on the Richter scale. The hazy memory of the previous night included nothing but blonde tresses and sounds of moans.

Turns out, that night I had incidentally met one of my college mates, a woman named Rosalie Hale. Or I should rather say, a goddess. We started talking about our friends back from our college days, then about our careers, and then one thing led to another and we ended up in a bed, devouring each other's bodies. It was a well-known fact to my family and friends that I swung both ways, and that night I swung towards Rosalie and what turned out to be both the best and the worst nights of my life. Best, because it led me to the current situation. Worst, because of the events that helped us reach the current situation.

I still remember the day when she came knocking maniacally on my door at 1 fucking am. When I opened the door, I met face to face with a blonde woman who had mascara streaking down her cheeks. Seeing her distressed state, I opened the door wide enough for her to enter, and made her sit on the couch. After coaxing her into drinking a glass of water, I patted her back till she gained her bearings. And then she delivered those words that forever changed my life:

_"I'm pregnant."_

For a few minutes, I blankly stared at her. Was she frigging serious?

_"Rosalie? Are you sure? Is... is this baby...m-mine?" I bumbled like an idiot._

_"Of course Emmett! I'm not a slut who goes around falling on every man's dick!" She glared at me._

_"Hey! I was just confirming!"_

_"What do I do now? I cannot have this baby right now. I just got a job at the modeling agency. They'll throw me out if I have a kid now!" she started to sob. I just hugged her to my side and slowly rubbed her arm in comfort. This was now a time for me to be the stronger one of us both. I should have realized that Rosalie wasn't someone who would need comfort._

_"I hope after having this baby, you'll make an attempt to live like a family with me. Just imagine, we could be the perfect family in everyone's eyes! You could be the model dad, I'll be the ideal mother, and if this kid is going to be anything like the both of us, then the kid will be the best looking child in the whole world. I'm not bragging, just stating the facts."_

_"Bloody Hell! You want a family with me? Right now? I'm just 25 for fuck's sake, you can't tie me down!"_

_"Really, then just wait for my appointment with my doctor, for an ABORTION." Rosalie screeched._

_"You bitch! You cannot kill my child! What is it that you want from me? My money? Name the price, and I'll pay it. But if you even talk about killing my baby…"_

_"Well, something seems to have finally grabbed your attention. Expect some papers at your doorstep within a week. You will get all my demands and wishes. Any further contact can be made with my lawyer. Remember Emmett, if you do not cooperate, always remember, I can fuck up this pregnancy." She said with a sinister gleam in her eyes._

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That was the last that I had heard from Rosalie in person. She kept to her promise- I had a delivery for me within a week that had a list of all of her demands. She didn't want the custody of the child. She didn't want to have any sort of connection with the baby after the delivery of the baby, unless I was willing to make the effort to live like a pseudo-family with her. Fuck that bitch. Like hell she is going to be in my baby's life. I still don't understand why put my dick in her pussy. And even now, I only came to know about her going into labor through her side-bitch Alice. I hope this baby of mine will not be as fucked up as her mother.


	2. Smirking already?

**Chapter 2:**

It has been roughly 6 months since Isabella's birth.

When Rosalie did give birth to her, she insisted that she wear her six-inch Stilettos. She even refused to allow my mom to be in the room! You should never say no to Esme. She can make you cry like a baby with a simple stare.

Anyway, when Isabella did come out, she didn't cry. Bitch-mama in her I'm-a-slut stilettos for the first time in her life looked concerned. Turns out, Isabella was smirking at the male doctor who was holding her. You should have seen the expression of all the nurses! Oh fuck me lord, this girl isn't even an hour old, and she has already started to flirt. Rosalie then said the oddest thing ever: she asked to be allowed to hold Isabella for once.

I mean I know she is a bitch, but I guess even bitches soften at Isabella's beauty. The male doctor passed the baby to Rosalie, and she softly started to stroke Isabella's cheek. I let her have this moment. I mean, this might probably be the last time that she would see her daughter. Meanwhile, I decided to let my parents know that they have become grandparents.

Carlisle and Esme shot from their seats and immediately went inside the room, pushing me aside. Hey! I made that baby with my dick, I'm important too!

Well, Esme stole Isabella from Rosalie's arms, and immediately started to say, "Oh Bella, look, you look so skinny! I'm going to take you to our house, and I am going to feed you delicious foods. We'll make cookies and banana bread and chocolate truffles and…" she continued to talk to Isabella. Carlisle looked at Esme as if she sprouted another head from her neck. I guess babies tend to make women fucked up.

Isabella grew tired of being passed around like a football, and when Carlisle did take her in his arms, she grasped his shirt in her tiny fist and started to dose off.

"Hah. She definitely has good taste in men." Carlisle gloated.

"Dad, you can literally duck off. Give me my daughter." I guess I should earn points for that filtering.

Carlisle just harrumphed and passed Isabella to me. I took her into my arms, and reminded myself to place my palm below her neck to support her head. Esme and Carlisle immediately came up behind me.

"Her eyes are such a pretty color. As blue as the skies..." Esme whispered.

"Honey, you do know that every infant's eyes are blue when they are born, right? The color of her eyes may change soon. It is too soon to determine that." Carlisle said.

"Dad, no body gives a shit about medical facts. But look at her. Isn't she too tiny? She literally can fit in my pocket, and I can carry her around like a pocket Chihuahua!" I said, only to receive a smack from the now standing Bitch-mama. I just rolled my eyes at her.

"So, you guys have named her Isabella. What is her middle name going to be?" Carlisle asked.

"I want her middle name to be something important, something beautiful, and something significant." Rosalie said. Since when did she loose her balls and start speaking like a woman?

"Nutella!" A nurse exclaimed. Everyone nodded their heads at her suggestion.

"Weed!" Someone else commented.

"PB &amp; J!" said the double D nurse.

"Magnum condoms!" said Rosalie.

"Kardashians!"

"Nirvana!"

These people are such airheads. Sigh.

"Dad, can you just conduct a mental test on all of these people? they're freaking me out." I asked Carlisle. He subtly nodded his head.

And folks, that is how my daughter was an inch away from being named 'Isabella Exlax Cullen.' But from here on, I introduce you to the centre of my universe, Isabella Giselle Cullen.

You can thank the person who shouted Gillette for that one.


	3. She cried

Hey guys, nice to talk to you again. Emmett Cullen here.

I know it has been quite a while since we talked to each other. I hope you will excuse me, for much has occurred. I had a mothefucking existential crisis. I thought those things only happen in movies where the character gets cancer, and he/she on an 'impulse' goes on a road trip only to find their soulmate and then they live happily ever after. God simply replaced the cancer part with Rosalie, and the road trip part with a business trip for me. And hence, on this trip, I came to a conclusion.

Guys, I.. I think... I think I have fallen in love.

Esme and Carlisle don't know yet. The person who I have fallen in love with is a guy. Actually, a fantastic motherfucker. He is one of the most talented and famous chefs in England with three Michelin Stars, tons of excellent restaurants around the world, amazingly orgasmic food, and luckily for me a fantastic ass. I really really like him, and I think he likes me too. For fucks sake, we even went on several dates, and hung around. I even let him meet Isabella, and trust me, I never let my dates meet my princess, because she still thinks mommy and daddy are 'together-forever'. Urgh I hate people, making children believe all marriages are always perfect and that a home is always made up of a mommy, daddy, and their kids. I remember the day I had to break the news for a very young, and totally adorable Isabella. Let me start from the beginning. Bout I'll talk more about him later. I have another important incident to share with you guys. My daughter Isabella Giselle cried about her mother.

Isabella was almost two years old now, and had been speaking quite fluently since the past few months. However, she had a tendency to stutter when she felt immensely sad, almost as it the amount of sadness in her little body was weighing down upon her throat. Poor baby.

I remember that I had proceeded to get dressed that morning, and continued with getting the house ready so that Esme could come over and take care of Isabella. She refused to allow me to get a nanny as long as she was alive. Sheesh woman, I get it, you love your granddaughter more than your own son. I can sort of understand her desire to take care of Isabella, because as Carlisle wisely summed it up, mom was suffering from the 'Empty Nest Syndrome', where she suddenly realises that she no longer has any maternal duties as all her children have left their home to pursue their life. So now, Isabella was like a blessing from above for her. Whatever floats her boat. My father couldn't take care of Isabella that day, because every alternate day he volunteers at the local non-governmental organisation by working as a gastroenterologist, or as Isabella calls him: 'The Poop Doc'. Oh I love to see Carlisle's expression every time she tells our relatives, with a beaming smile on her adorable face, that Carlisle was willing to look at their poopy and give them medicines for any problems. Luckily they all laugh it away.

Anyway, back to the point.

As soon as I finished cleaning up our dishes, I pick up Isabella into my lap, and look at her in the eyes. She has beautiful greenish-blue eyes, characteristic of the Cullen Blood. Her hair had darkened into a rich mahogany, and hung down her back in shiny ringlets of sweet preciousness. The only feature she shared with her mother was her jaw line and a tiny beauty mark on top of her lip. Her eyes were clouded with tears that she willed to not flow by sucking on her lips.

"Baby, what is it? Are you hurt? Why are you so sad?"

"Da-d-d-dy, why doesn't mommy st-t-ay with us?" She asked. Oh. Fuck. Me.

"I'm really sorry baby, but that's how it is. Mommy doesn't stay with us, you know that." I gently smooth back her hair and wipe her eyes. It hurt me to see her so miserable.

"But daddy, all my friends at the park s-s-say that mommies and daddies are sup-p-posed to stay together in one house. Are th-they lying?"

Oh Isabella. I wish upon every thing dear to me that I wouldn't have to tell you this.

"Baby, I'm really sorry. Your mother and I are, how do I say this, not good friends. We do not like each other that much. That's why I fought in the court to keep you with me safe and happy. I'm really sorry baby, I really am." I kiss her forehead and let her snuggle into my chest. Soon, I feel wetness on my chest. She began sobbing.

"Mommy doesn't love m-m-me!" she sobbed.

"Isabella! Why would you say that? Remember, everyone's life is not the same. For us, mommy is not a part of our lives. But don't you worry baby, I love you to the moon and back. I will take excellent care of you. Isabella, you are my life, baby. I cannot live without you. Not only me, there are so many people in this world who love you. Grandma and Grandpa, your friends, me, and so many people who still haven't met you. Baby, don't let the absence of one person ever make you feel sad, okay? I promise, I will be the best paren in this world. Please, baby, please don't cry. It hurts me when I see you so sad."

"Nooo daddy! I'll stop crying. Where does it hurt?" Bless my daughter, she cares so much about others. I am so proud of her.

"It hurts me here, in my heart." I point to my left pec. She kisses it, and pats down the area.

"There you go. Grandma Esme says that love heals all wounds." Can someone kill me, my child is perfect. I was pulled from my emotional rollercoaster by the sound of the door knocking. I carried Isabella on my hip, and stood up to open the door. I saw my mom on the other side of the door. I immediately opened the door.

"Oh look! its grandma!" I yelled.

"Grandma! I missed you so much!" Isabella wiggled to get into Esme's arms. Mom was always impeccably dressed, yet she never minded getting her clothes creased if it meant picking up her granddaughter and cuddling her.

"Hello Isabella. Lovely to see you again! What would you like to eat for breakfast, hmm? I have some fresh avocados, we can have a nice guacamole, and look at your father. Emmett! How old are you again? Why did you drop down water on your suit? Isabella, has daddy been careless again?" she giggled at her. Woman, give me a fucking break. My baby just cried in my arms over her M.I.A. birthgiver.

"I'll tell you later." She frowned at the seriousness of my expression.

"Isabella, why don't you take this bag from me, and place it on the counter? I'll be there in a minute." Isabella could reach the counter top by climbing up her high-chair, an action she performed frequently, and an action that never failed to give me a heart attack every single time. I glared at my mom for encouraging Isabella. Esme kissed her on the cheek and shooed her away. Then she looked at me.

"Spill." I moved towards the sofas, and told her everything. Esme popped veins on her forehead by the sheer strain she employed upon herself to not go and kill Rosalie.

"Oh poor girl. I fucking hate Rosalie. I always did. I don't know why you fucked her. Really Emmett?"

"Mom. Language!"

"I'm sorry, but sometimes I'm so upset I no longer care how I talk." She sighed.

"Ma, I know I regret my fling with Rosalie, but I am still thankful for her, because she blessed me with the most important thing in my life. I cannot imagine my life without my daughter. And for that, I will forever be grateful to Rosalie."

"Oh Emmett. My child, look at you all grown up. Life is funny, isn't it, my own baby now has his own baby. Lord, they grow up so fast..." God mom, can you be more emotional?

"Yeah yeah, enough with the heavy. I just wanted to let you know about this so that if Isabella feels sad throughout the day, you'll know what to talk to her about. Oh shit... look at the time! I better run. Can you give Isabella a hug and a kiss from me? Thanks mom love you bye gotta run!" With that, I ran towards the garage, hopped in my car, and left my mom with my baby, praying to god that everything will be okay.


End file.
